Doing the Laundry Within

Recently I attended a meeting with John de Ruiter where he spoke about “Doing the laundry of the self.”  ‘...as your self enters the wash, the ego is washed out.  With the shift to following what you know, the ego has no more hold.’  When John spoke about this, I could imagine when I have feelings, when a pattern is touched in me, rather than reacting in old ways, the feelings could wash through me.  That, in fact, I could let  the uncomfortable feelings move through, without adding story or emotion.


As feelings wash through, might it be possible to settle into a quiet place within?  Could I connect with some deeper inner knowing of what to be or do next?  I looked forward to a moment when I might try it out.


Of course, a pattern was immediately touched.  My husband made a critical comment about something I did.  There it was.  I felt the heat rising, a strong firery energy began to move inside and a push to justify myself.   And then,  somehow easily and naturally, I remembered to let the feelings wash through myself, to not touch them or add to them.  While being quiet within, to let the feelings move anywhere.


It felt a bit intense in the beginning, and the more I let the feelings move, swishing this way and that, swirling around, having their way, the easier it was to be present in the feelings.  Slowly I was even able to lay my head down in what was going on inside, to quietly and tenderly lay down.  As I did that, the feelings became less, and then much less.


Next, spontaneously, some clarity of seeing arose, some deeper knowing about how to respond to the situation.  My heart was quiet and without emotion.  There was a deep stillness inside.  And there was no residue of sticky, yucky feelings to deal with.  Best of all, I was able to sweetly explain to my husband what had happened, and the waters were calm and serene between us. 


Yes!!!  This is good.  I realized that letting feelings have a good wash through the laundry of myself seemed to really work.  


Ummmm, could I do the wash each and every time a pattern is touched?  And from this place of quiet rest within, would clarity appear out of some deeper knowing?  Could I trust that simple, clear, good direction would come from within?  Could I possibly be free from old reactions, no longer feeling stuck or living in unnecessary suffering?


This experience is an example of what I love most about John’s teaching.  He is always illuminating the most direct path to living from what is deeper within.  When I apply his teaching in my day-to-day life, it works.  Not only does it work, but it also offers an experience of sweetness or nurture.  Lucky me.  Lucky life to have met John and follow his pointing to being what is deeper, to being my true nature.  John is illuminating the direct path--direct relating to what I first am. 


Thank you to all of me for loving learning and discovering an amazing teacher who knows all the secrets about doing laundry.